I'm finding it hard.

31 March 2015

I'm finding it hard.
I'm finding it hard to be happy with my body.
My totally normal,in proportion body that I often get compliments on.

I'm finding it hard to settle my mind on what my ideal body is. 
One minute my dream is jutting hip bones and tiny thighs,the next I want a sexier body,a less boyish frame and at least a C cup bra size.

I stare at perfect girls on instagram every. single. day. but I don't want to go to the gym 5 times a week,I want to eat melted chocolate and watch movies. This contradiction torments me. I promise myself I'll do more,I'll work harder,I count down the days to my holiday where I'll see myself in a bikini and regret every sit up that I didn't do. 

Sometimes I think i'm being ridiculous,I know i'm being ridiculous,but something that consumes so much of my thoughts cant possibly be nothing. 
The instagram ideal,the girls my friends and I stare at,the girls a lot of you stare at-those perfect girls that make you never want to eat again. You want to be them,but then you see a post on facebook about how curvy girls are better in bed and so much sexier than thin girls and you suddently don't know what you want to be anymore. 

I want to be okay with me,100% happy and content with me and my body & maybe i'll get there-
I'm just not there yet.

Photography by Kelly McAllister